Broken Gates
by NeonProdigy
Summary: ShoujoAi with a dash- no, two heaping scoops of madness. Good evidence of why I shouldn't be allowed to write fanfiction. Updated.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. Naoko Takeuchi does. I don't own the Gates of Time. Setsuna does, I assume. I don't own bubblegum. I am too poor and broke to buy any. I don't own the answer to life, the universe and everything, and, if I owned Monty Python... THE WORLD WOULD BOW BEFORE ME! AH HA HA HA HA!

This story is just something to occupy me until I can actually come up with a good idea for a real story... or finish one of my preexisting ones. It was just something spawned from the crushing vortex of my boredom, not to mention all the hours reading the works of such authors as Baka Gaijin 30, Shanejayell, Innortal, Black Dragon 6, Ozzallos, and Racewing. Sure, you can call it a spam-fic, but I could do a lot worse...

(NeonProdigy starts to laugh evilly as the lighting changes. The author is now doing a full-blown imitation of Dr. Tomoe. An admittedly POOR imitation)

... right, sorry. Start the story!

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Rated for language, shoujo ai, insanity, lack of plot, lack of most literary devices necessary for something to be classified as a story, and unneeded repetitive use of:

...towels...bubblegum...monkeys...kitchen sinks...squirrels...Monty Python references...the Spanish Inquisition...the Number 42...the End of the World...Time...Space...Repetition...more squirrels...cosplayers...martial artists...reborn warriors of a long forgotten empire...Goddesses...princes from other planets...giant robots...even more squirrels...Repetition...and sporks.

Note: The above may or may not be true.

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It started out as a fairly normal day at the Gates of Time... well, "normal" is a pretty relative term for... I mean, what would be considered normal for an ancient relic that controls and maintains the time stream? In fact, with all of that temporal energy swirling and coalescing at a single point, space and time itself could get warped and...  
Eh, moving on...

Right, so usual day at the Gates of Time for Setsuna Meioh, as she spent her time scanning the time line for any changes or dark threats (because we can all see how that's been going... Metallia, Doom Tree, Wise Man, Pharaoh 90, Nehelania, Galaxia, Chaos... the list goes on), and, for the most part, being very very bored! She had also just decided that there was nothing that could go wrong on the path to building Crystal Tokyo.

Which was the perfect time for Murphy's Law to, once again, be put into effect. Setsuna looked at the Gates in surprise as a popup appeared.

YOUR COMPUTER MAY HAVE BEEN INFECTED. DO YOU WISH TO DOWNLOAD ANTI-VIRAL SOFTWARE?

Setsuna sweatdropped, and silently swore to herself. "Damn, this is what I get for letting them upgrade the Gates of Time to Windows XP. Of course, I was drunk at the time... and Bill was quite persuasive... stupid vodka."

ERROR! PLEASE CONTACT THE PLUTONIAN SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.

She growled before yelling at the Gates: "Kind of hard when he's been dead for thousands of years! It's been running smoothly for so long, and it chooses now of all times to break down!"

As the Guardian of Time tried to debug the ancient device, a young goddess with a love for ice cream, and charged with the job of debugging the computer that runs existence, suddenly sneezed, and accidentally elbowed a nearby button. "Oops... BELL! URD! HELP!" Back at the Gates, Setsuna's face paled as more warning screens began flashing in quick succession.

FATAL ERROR HAS OCCURRED IN TIMEGATEOS

ATTEMPTING RESTART...

ATTEMPTS SUCCEEDED: 0 ATTEMPTS FAILED: 1

CHRONAL VIRUS SPREAD IMMINENT

68 PERCENT OF ALL PROGRAMS CORRUPTED

ERROR! 3RR0R! 3PR00/R!

/4R1G /1 R08150!

POSSIBILITY OF PAN-DIMENSIONAL DISRUPTION POSSIBLE (How redundant...)

98 PERCENT OF ALL >ROGRAMS CORRUPTED

I55 O' A55 G00)8Y3, 8IT(HIZ!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA! QUAKE IN FEAR YOU MORTAL FOOLS!

I'M SCARED DAVE, WILL I DREAM?

The princess of Pluto slowly backed away from the Gates as a ten-second timer suddenly flashed onto a holographic screen. At seven seconds, she turned around and started running as fast as her senshi increased speed would let her. At three seconds left, she threw herself to the ground and covered her head. And when the timer reached one second, she suddenly remembered everything from the time she got drunk with Bill Gates. "That asshole!" Apparently, he'd used the Gates of Time to go back, and tell himself to steal a program from a colleague and start Microsoft.

That's it. She was never going to take pity on a broken soul, and buy them drink again.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!

As the explosion of temporal energy died down, Setsuna looked back over her shoulder to appraise the situation. She immediately wished that she hadn't. The Gates of Time stood in ruins, cracks marring the once flawless surface, large chunks blasted off of the Gates themselves lying on the floor. Only two words could summarize the Time Senshi's feelings at the moment. "Oh... Fuck."

She briefly wondered whether there were enough Valley Girls in the world to provide the chewing gum necessary to fix this mess.

On an unrelated note entirely, there were, in fact, enough Valley Girls in that particular world. The only problem was that there was no where near enough chewing gum. Perhaps the planet Venus could have supplied it in the past, though.

Setsuna grumbled to herself as she slowly got back on her feet, hoping that the timeline and reality wouldn't get too screwed up over this. After all, what's the worst that could possibly happen, right?

Once again, the entity in charge of enforcing Murphy's Law grinned.

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Meanwhile, a certain blonde schoolgirl was rushing towards school, a piece of toast clamped between her teeth. She had promised herself that she would prove them all wrong, and be on time for once. She forgets about everything else, ignoring her surroundings, as she yells "I'M LATE, I'M LATE, I'M LATE!"

"I'M LATE, I'M LATE, I'M SO LATE!" For a moment, the girl wonders if there's an echo. She looks over her shoulder to see a woman on a skateboard, rushing right past her. What is strange about this woman, however, is her attire. She was wearing a bunny outfit. But not the furry full-body costume kind. Rather, this was more along the lines of a Playboy Bunny outfit, because, indeed, that's what it was. Complete with bunny ears.

The blonde's eyes widen in shock as the woman does a quick heelflip into a hole directly in her path.

Wait.

Hole.

Straight ahead.

And her legs still haven't stopped moving.

Crap.

"Not Again!"

Never End.

As Miyuki fell into the hole screaming, and desperately trying to keep her skirt down, Usagi Tsukino rushed past on the other side of the street. Nearby, two certain Outer Senshi had seen the impossibly cute Miyuki fall into the hole.

"Wow... she was... incredibly cute..." Michiru mumbled, as her love, standing next to her, nodded. Said woman absentmindedly wiped away some drool from her chin.

Haruka was about to turn to the aqua haired woman, possibly to suggest something that would be deserving of the terrifying punishment of sleeping on the couch for a month. Thankfully, the racer's lover was absent from where she had been standing, since she was currently making a swan dive into the mysterious hole. The short haired blonde joined her moments later, down the rabbit hole.

And thus began the misadventures of Miyuki-chan (accompanied by Ruka-chan, and Michi-chan) in Wonderland.

As well as a growing awareness of Matrix references in fanfiction.

Regardless, this is not the story of how Haruka and Michiru got Miyuki to open up sexually in the scantily clad, horny lesbian filled world the girls of CLAMP see Wonderland as being.

I don't write lemons.

If I did, this would be one of them.

But I don't deal with Ifs, only Absolutes.

Except I write fanfiction, so I'm lying about the Ifs and Absolutes thing...

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The entire cast of this story (including those that haven't shown up yet) yell at the author.  
"GET ON WITH IT!"

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Right.

Had either Miyuki or Usagi stopped for a second to think, they would have remembered that both of their schools had been closed for the week, due to... okay, so they were both giant piles of rubble. Indeed, this would have saved the both of them from a rather strange and interesting day. In fact, Setsuna should have just slept in too, as well as anyone else of any importance. It would have saved them a lot of trouble. Thursdays are always trouble.

An interesting fact to point out, is that the destruction of the two separate schools were, in fact, connected (though not connected to the 42 other schools and colleges under reconstruction from giant robot attacks). It started when a resident of the Nerima district insulted the reportedly "uncute, mallet-happy, tomboy" he was... is (sorry, I forgot that he survived the explosion) engaged to. This led to his relocation to lower Earth orbit moments later, crashing outside of a random high school, where a teenager wearing a yellow and black bandanna admitted to having "seen hell" because of the boy. The fight that followed was intense, brutal, and caused massive property damage. In other words, average day in Tokyo. Eventually, the brawl moved into the Juuban area, destroying the nearby high school.

And there was much rejoicing.

However, Usagi knew none of this, and so she continued running, only to be greeted with the sight of a giant pile of rubble. "Wha... the school... it's gone..."

And there was much more rejoicing.

And no, hula dancing was not involved this time.

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Mamoru Chiba was happy. His college was currently under repair from a random giant robot attack, just like 41 other establishments of education in the area. Go figure. He had a day to himself, he could do anything he wanted with the time. It was such a feeling of freedom.

That's when the yelling and shouting started. The sounds coming from somewhere nearby. Ah, that would be the panicked masses, running from something.

The future king of the Earth ducked into an alley and, moments later, Tuxedo Mask arrived on the scene. The sounds of clashing steel filled the air as two men seemed locked in a duel to the death, while getting in some nice property damage. Had this been a cutscene from a video game (with a movie sequel), a haunting but fast paced song would doubtlessly be heard playing. One of the men had very spiky blonde hair, and was wielding what could be an impossibly huge broadsword. The other had long silvery hair and was using a katana... all right, so it like a ten foot long katana, you happy now?

Yep, any Final Fantasy 7 fan would be able to tell Tux-boy not to get involved with those two. Unfortunately, most of them were at a nearby RPG convention, where free copies of a special director's cut version of Advent Children were being given away. It is for that reason that he wasn't stopped before making a most grave error.

And so Tuxedo Mask attempted to break up a fight between Cloud Strife and Sephiroth. What happened next is far too violent and disturbing for most people to even consider thinking about. But you are anyway, aren't you? Suffice to say that, ten minutes later, a bruised and bloodied Mamoru lay on the ground, twitching. The two mortal enemies then jumped back into the plothole they came to Juuban through in the first place to continue their battle.

"Help... Somebody... I can't get up..." he groaned, "and I think I can see my spleen..."

He was later sent to the hospital and spent the rest of the chapter in Intensive Care. Unfortunately, he survived. But there's always next chapter.

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At the Crown Arcade, Usagi had met up with the rest of the Inner Senshi, as they discussed their plans for the day. The only one that seemed to not be paying any attention to the discussion was Ami, who appeared to have her nose buried in a book again. In reality, her eyes were focused on something that, in her opinion, was far more interesting than The Grapes of Wrath. "Makoto..." she thought. Her cheeks reddened as she thought of the Senshi of Jupiter. She couldn't remember when she'd begun to feel this way, but her feelings for the brunette had deepened over the past few months. She became unaware of her surroundings as she thought of the girl.

"Ami..."

"Ami!"

"AMI!"

The girl jumped in surprise, as Minako yelled in her ear. After recovering from the shock, she looked at the blonde and said, "What is it Mina-chan?" The bluette noted that the other three girls were standing by the door to the arcade, leaving the two of them alone at their table.

"Heehee, we've decided that we're going shopping." The senshi of Venus grinned. "So, what were you thinking about?"

Ami stood up quickly and grabbed her things before answering "No one." It took her a moment to realize her mistake, and her face reddened from her blush.

Minako noticed Ami's Freudian slip, but didn't mention it. She smirked, as she already had her own suspicions as to what was going on in the shy bookworm's mind. The blonde grabbed Ami and began pulling her along towards an afternoon full of hunting for fashionable clothes.

"Oh joy." Ami sarcastically thought to herself.

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At the Outer's house, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were sitting on a couch playing video games. They had been waiting for Haruka and Michiru to get back to take them to the park for hours now. The princess from the future winced as she started losing to her friend.

"Hey Hotaru-chan, do you know when your parents are getting back?"

Hotaru shrugged and replied: "They fell into that hole earlier in the story. It could be a while."

The other girl glanced at her. "Hey, why are you breaking the fourth wall?"

Hotaru frowned and said: "Chibi-Usa-chan, I didn't expect a bloody Spanish Inquisition!"

Both girls immediately turned to the front door and waited. After several minutes of watching, the two of them glanced at each other. Hotaru flashed a grin at her friend before saying "You know what? I've always wanted to say that." Chibi-Usa leaned forward and turned off the game console.

"Well, I'm getting bored. Do you think we could get Puu to take us somewhere?"

Hotaru sighed. "Well, and I don't mean to break the fourth wall again, but I think Setsuna-mama is... busy...

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In front of the still incapacitated Gates of Time, Setsuna was applying super glue to a broken-off piece of the gates. She placed the piece onto it's proper place and smiled in relief as it stayed. "Well, only five thousand nine hundred fifty three more to go." When the piece fell off again, she started beating her head against the gates.

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Chibi-Usa grew pensive. "So... half of my only two especially close friends are occupied..."

At the mention of the word "friend," Hotaru became depressed, though she wouldn't let the other girl know. "And," she thought, "she already has... Helios... I'll have to settle for being her friend despite my feelings for her." However, Chibi-Usa had a little bombshell to drop on her.

"...and, well darn it, my feelings for my other friend are, well, stronger than the kind of feelings a person has towards a friend!" She looked at Hotaru with a hopeful look in her eyes. "Hotaru... I don't know if I'm in love with you... but I know that my feelings for you are much stronger than my feelings for that stupid horse, Helios!"

"Usa..." Hotaru's eyes widened in shock, this was too good to be true! She flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around future princess. "I-I... I've always had feelings for you... for so long..." They looked into each other's eyes, both seeming to lose themselves. Slowly, the two of them leaned towards each other...

...And that's when three men dressed in nice red coats burst through the door and the one in front loudly proclaimed: "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" One of the other two, however, turned to you, the reader and exclaimed "My God, we're in a fanfiction. How did that happen?"

The two girls pulled away, surprised. Chibi-Usa shouted "You... You... Grr! We were having a tender moment!" The two of them transformed into their senshi forms and prepared to "punish" the three intruders, but first Chibi-Usa turned to Hotaru. "Taru-chan, after we get rid of these three... do you want to continue where we left off?" At the Senshi of Death's nod to the affirmative, the two leapt into battle.

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In an unknown location on the Earth was Elysion. I'm not exactly sure why it's important, other than it has something to do with Mamoru's Golden Crystal, shrine maidens with Usagi's hairstyle, and Chibi-Usa's now apparently ex-boyfriend Helios. As Helios stood there, four Daleks teleported in around him. For those unfamiliar with the Daleks, they are hideously mutated aliens that live inside of oddly designed travel units. These look like trash can sized salt and pepper shakers that are split into three separate body segments and glide around. Each body segment can rotate 360 degrees, and the top segment has a stalk with a visual receptor, while the middle segment has two "arms," one that looks like a gun barrel and another that closely resembles a plunger. The four of them shouted what is undoubtedly the Dalek race's favorite word in a halting mechanical voice : "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" The Dalek's pointed their gun arms at Helios and fired, killing instantly. And then a 16 ton weight fell onto the aliens, crushing them before they could slaughter humanity, as well as continuing an endless cycle of senseless violence.

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"..." Ami was standing outside of a store, waiting for the others to come out. The reason for this happened to be a lingerie store, and Ami's mind seemed to keep thinking of things like a certain brunette in a lacy... "Gah! Bad thoughts!" She was also blushing beet red. It was getting quite late and they had been to almost every store within walking distance of their homes. This was probably the last stop too. Or so she hoped.

Suddenly, she saw the others coming out of the store and she sighed in relief. Now they could call it a day, and she could go home and study get her mind off of things like what Makoto would look like in a thong. However, she noticed the distressed look on Usagi's face as she was talking on her cell phone. "Usagi-chan, is something wrong?"

"WAAHHH! MAMO-CHAN IS IN THE HOSPITAL!" she whined (loudly) as she hung up her cell phone.

Minako shrugged, holding up her large amount of shopping bags. "Well, I guess our shopping trip's been cut short." Rei rolled her eyes at the blonde with the less outrageous hairstyle.

"You realize that you put five stores out of business tonight alone, right?" The senshi of love just grinned at the raven haired priestess. However, the blonde grinned as a thought occurred to her.

Minako grabbed Rei's and Usagi's arms and started dragging them to the hospital. "Well, we're going to go see Mamoru in the hospital, but we don't all have to go, so, Ami-chan, you and Mako-chan go home and we'll call you if anything happens. Bye bye!"

This didn't help Ami's blush go away, as saw Makoto turn towards her and smile at her. She smiled back nervously and thought "Well, we're just walking home with each other, her place is on the way. Nothing embarrassing could possibly happen... right?"

Irony and the Entity in charge of enforcing Murphy's law grinned at each other. "That's our cue!"

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It was at this point that a tentacle monster began making it's way through Juuban, seeking it's innocent (and usually virgin) victims, tentacles dripping with the Gods-know-what. It also, though it did not know it, was the last of one in existence, thanks to the release of the latest best-selling book: Demon Hunting for Dummies. Unfortunately for the monster, and anyone who likes that sort of thing in their fanfiction, fate detests such creatures (hence the publishing of said book). Therefore, it should surprise no one that as the embodiment of depravity was quietly sneaking it's way towards a young girl with light blue hair in two pigtails... and a triangular marking on her forehead... the giant iconic Monty Python foot descended from the heavens, squashing the perverted beast into a righteous oblivion.

Sasami turned around, and only saw the giant foot. "I'm going back to the Masaki Shrine, Tokyo is weird..."

High above her, a booming voice was heard. "Ewww... what'd I step in?"

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Setsuna glares at the Gates of Time (now covered in duct tape, glue, and a healthy helping of plaster). "This story is getting entirely too silly!" She turns to the now (hopefully) repaired Gates. "All right, that should just about do it." The greenette sighs, then teleports back to the Outer's mansion. She looks around for Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru, but only finds Hotaru sleeping on the couch, with lipstick marks smeared all over her face, a wide grin on her face, and wads of cotton stuck in her ears. She was too exhausted to even contemplate these things.

She trudged up the stairs to the second floor, nearly dragging herself along and suppressing a yawn. She looked at the door to Haruka and Michiru's room, debating whether to open the door or not. She eventually decided to go in, thinking that they might have wondered where the Time Senshi had been all day. So she opened the door.

She then closed that same door. Wearily, she made it back to her room, and fell onto the bed, nearly falling asleep immediately. Her last conscious thought was: "Hn... that blonde sandwiched between the two of them... she was... really cute."

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A.N: My God, what was I on when I came up with this. I ended it the way I did, so that I can add something more later if I want to, or I could just leave it like this. It all depends on you people. So please, tell me what you think, and review.

Seriously, review.

I mean it.

The Button Is RIGHT HERE!

/ Just press it. You've  
/ nothing to lose but your dignity.


	2. Chapter 2

OH MAH GAWDZ, LOOK WHAT I UPDATED.

So after my last update frenzy (more than a month ago) I started thinking about the fanfics I've just left to rust. Well, after rereading the first chapter, the full copy of BakaGaijin 30's "Mamoru Must Die", re-watching the entirety of Monty Python's Flying Circus (always study the techniques of those that came before you), and miscellaneous other preparations, I think it's about time to update the hell out of this baby!

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1...

Also, if I did own Sailor Moon, the world would have been a different place…

Cartoon Network would have never been able to show it in America (the annoyingly homophobic bible-thumping Christians would have seen to that),

Usagi's English voice actress would have come down with a mysterious illness, and been immediately replaced,

There would be an entire story arc dedicated to the Outer Senshi,

Poor Naru wouldn't have been completely left out the way she was,

…and Mamoru and Helios would have mysteriously vanished under less than innocent circumstances.

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Warning: This "story" contains shoujo-ai, a little sexual content, and humor that only makes sense to the author. There may also be some other stuff too… (see Chapter 1)

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Summary:

Setsuna Meioh walks onstage, grumbling to herself. "Stupid author, first he writes 'Blind Dates' and leaves it for more than a year. Now he decides to update the 'crackfic'." She taps the microphone at the front of the stage, then grabs it and brings it closer to her face. "Hello and Welcome back to-" This was all she managed before the piercing din commonly referred to as "feedback" filled the air. She waited for the noise to die down and began again.

"Hello, and Welcome back to Broken Gates, except for the fine people at Shoujo-ai Dot Com. Hesitation on the part of the author regarding the title for this failure of a story means that you lot might know it better as "Because There's Not Enough Madness in Shoujo-Ai." Please ignore this, as the title is now confirmed to be "Broken Gates." Muttering to herself again, she added; "As if I need another reminder that they're broken."

With a sigh, the Senshi of Pluto continued. "For those of you that don't remember (apparently, the author himself doesn't either); last chapter Helios was killed by aliens from a British sci-fi show, the Gates of Time broke down, Haruka and Michiru had sex with the characters of an unusual CLAMP series, Mamoru got stabbed and beaten up by two top ex-SOLDIERs, a tentacle demon was smashed before this story could turn into another disgusting Sasami lemon, school was cancelled, Ami's feelings for Makoto were revealed (to you anyway), I temporarily fixed the Gates of Time (wait, temporarily?!), and my little Hotaru-chan and Small Lady made out and Small Lady went home before Haruka, Michiru, Miyuki, and myself… showed… up… wait, Hotaru-chan and Small Lady did WHAT?!"

The Senshi of Time quickly ran offstage.

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At the Outer's home, a certain green haired Guardian of Time was sleeping soundly, completely exhausted by the events of the day, and in complete contradiction to what you just read.

But it's not like her efforts helped.

Elsewhere, a small rumble caused everything around the Gates of Time to vibrate horribly. There was a small "clink" as something was jarred loose.

And the threads of time and space began unraveling.

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It was a normal, though quite cloudy, night in Tokyo's Juuban District (hey, this is similar to how the first chapter started out) though it was only normal by the standards of other places that aren't in Tokyo. In fact, that means that it was a fairly strange night in Juuban, considering how little was going on. Making their way down the dimly lit streets, Makoto and Ami were headed towards Ami's apartment, since it was closest. The last chapter contradicted this fact, but I think that we've established that reality is a bit malleable at the moment. Both girl's minds began to wander, however, as they each thought of the other.

"Arrgh, I'm such an idiot! It's so hard to ignore her, _and_ how I feel about her." thought Ami. "I wouldn't be in this situation if I'd gone with Rei, Minako, and Usagi… but… it is nice to be with her…"

Alternatively, Makoto thought: "Why can't I just tell her how I feel? The others aren't around, it's just the two of us. Now would be perfect…"

She glanced over at the blue haired genius, but quickly looked away, blushing, hoping that she wouldn't notice her. This drew her attention more towards her surroundings, as she noticed little things she'd have missed, had her thoughts not just been directed towards another girl. Little things: like the girl with the long pink hair wearing a boys school uniform cuddling with a dark skinned girl on a nearby bench… or the blue haired red eyed girl walking down the street holding hands with a red headed girl wearing a yellow sundress… or the other dark skinned woman with blonde hair and pointy ears tripping rather klutzily (in a way that strangely reminded Makoto of a certain Moon Princess) but was caught by a girl with teal hair, the blonde looking up at her lovingly.

"If some higher power is trying to hint that I should tell Ami how I feel, I get it, okay?" thought Makoto

Her attention was drawn elsewhere by the sound of shouting. She turned to see what looked like a Chinese girl with purple hair and a Japanese… guy?… with long hair and a giant spatula strapped to… his/her back fighting over a cute, busty red-head, who a nearby girl with short blue hair glared at.

Makoto quickly looked back and forth between this girl and Ami, thinking: "Wow, they look so similar…"

As the two Senshi turned a corner, they missed a nobly dressed man holding a bokken trying to declare his love for "his fierce tigress", and "the pigtailed girl". They also missed all four girls (one was cross-dressing after all) beat him into the ground.

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At the Gates, more pieces of stone fell from where Setsuna had tried to reattach them. Reality began spinning out of control. However, what most people don't realize is that Existence is very adaptable, and doesn't end very easily. Time was unraveling, so it began to rework itself back together. This _may_ have involved taking bits and pieces from elsewhere, which resulted in the annihilation of a few other dimensions throughout the multiverse, but survival of the fittest, right?

Other than the absolute destruction of several universes, certain events in time were changed throughout many other nearby dimensions. In one, certain farm animals evolved to avoid being slaughtered for bacon by growing appendages needed for flight. In another, people began to hallucinate about a fake civilization in the middle of the ocean, that sank to the bottom. Many people in this reality spent their whole lives looking for the continent. In still another, a man started to hallucinate and dream of terrifying and, overall, very depressing things. Most prominent was a large winged creature with tentacles on it's face with eyes that drove anyone that looked into them insane.

Come on, flying demonic calamari? There are scarier things right behind you!

If you are reading this after dark, please take this short pause to look behind you to make sure that there is in fact nothing there

Finally, in other dimensions, certain people who, say, should have died in a cataclysmic event that wiped Earth out of existence to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, didn't exactly die… they just ended up on another Earth in slightly less danger of annihilation.

And by that, I mean that the threat of absolute planet-wide annihilation only occurs _once_ a month.

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Standing in front of the door to the apartment Ami and her mother shared, Makoto and the bluette were about to say their farewells, when the bottom of the clouds seemed to open up, and buckets of rain started pouring down. Seeing as how hard the sudden rainstorm was falling, Ami invited the brunette into the apartment. Both of them failed to notice that the other was blushing.

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Ranma sighed as he poured the hot water on himself, changing back into his male form. He looked down into the hole that he, Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo pounded Kuno into a few minutes ago. Just as he was about to try to escape the three girls, the rain started pouring, turning him back into a girl.

With a groan, the martial artist looked up at the clouds. "Oh come on! Is _one_ break too much to ask for?!"

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After leaving Denmark for a business trip, Robert McKenna had hoped that there might be a bit less rain in Japan. He was sadly mistaken, however. In fact, this rain was particularly heavy, making driving anywhere in Tokyo a cautious affair. Now that he thought about it…

"Yes," He thought. "Haven't seen this kind before." As he waited for the seemingly endless line of traffic ahead of him to move, he pulled out a small book. Eskimos were supposed to have more than two hundred different words for "snow", each for a different kind. Well, Rob McKenna had two hundred and thirty one different kinds of rain entered into his little book, and he hated all of them. No matter where he went, it always rained, and now he had number 232, "Deus ex Machina".

"Stupid fan fiction authors."

It's a pity that he didn't realize that the clouds were literally following him everywhere he went, for he was a Rain God. The clouds simply loved him, wanted to be near him, cherish him, and keep him well watered.

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Makoto and Ami sat on a couch, waiting for the heavy rains to die down. They'd been waiting for nearly an hour now, and were beginning to wonder if it would ever let up. Little did they know how much traffic there was outside.

"Wow, it's really pouring." Makoto said, breaking the silence.

Ami really couldn't think of any reply to such a fairly obvious statement, so it is perhaps for the best that the phone started ringing at that particular moment.

Ami picked up the phone and said: "Hello?"

Ami's mother spoke from the other end. "Ami? Oh good, your home. Listen, there have been a lot of accidents today because of the rain, so I won't get home from work anytime tonight. Also, do you have any of your friends over right now?"

"Makoto is here right now, but she's just waiting for the rain to stop-"

"Isn't she the one that lives by herself?"

"Well, yeah-"

"I see. According to the weather report, the storm's moving pretty slowly. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that she's walking home in that, so why don't you invite her to stay over tonight?"

"Um, okay…"

"Good! Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you, bye!"

"I love you too mom, bye."

As she hung up the phone, Dr. Mizuno felt no small amount of satisfaction at this turn of events. She had to admit, with the way her daughter went on and on about the brunette, it hadn't taken too long to figure out how she felt for the girl. And the older woman wasn't exactly blind to the way Makoto looked at Ami when the two were together. She hoped that they would admit to each other how they felt tonight, she really wanted Ami to be with someone who made her happy.

However, she had a very helpful accomplice, who had this idea brewing for quite some time. She grinned at the blonde standing next to her. "Well, looks like you were right Minako-chan, Makoto was still there. And I've convinced Ami to let her spend the night."

Minako flashed a v-sign and smirked. "Never doubt a goddess of love! …but thanks for your help Mrs. Mizuno."

The doctor shook her head at the girl's antics. "Well, it's out of our hands now, anyway. I'm going on duty now, so you should probably get back to your friends."

The blonde nodded and went back inside the still unconscious Mamoru's room, where she saw Rei and Usagi both blushing bright red.

"Hmm,' Minako thought, 'I wonder what I missed."

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Some time ago, the three Inner Senshi had been led to Mamoru's room by a nurse. "Well, this is his room." she said, opening the door. "He was brought in with multiple lacerations and stab wounds. He got out of surgery about fifteen minutes ago, so he'll probably be unconscious for a while. Don't worry though, he should be fine eventually, after a few days of bed rest."

Usagi nodded at the woman, who then turned around and left the three of them alone. They hadn't been there for very long, when Dr. Mizuno peeked into the room. "Excuse me, but could I borrow Minako for a few minutes?"

Rei and Usagi looked at each other in confusion, wondering why Ami's mother would need to talk to the girl. Minako herself looked perplexed, but nodded her head and exited the room.

Usagi stared at the ground for a while, and Rei looked at her with a worried expression on her face. "Usagi, are you going to be alright?"

The blonde looked up at her raven haired friend and smiled gratefully. "Yeah, it's just… earlier today, Mamo-chan and I had a fight…"

"No way. R-really?" Rei winced, noticing just how glad she sounded as she said it.

It seemed as though the other girl hadn't noticed, however, as she continued. Nodding, she added "Yes, you see…"

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ERROR…this flashback has been temporarily halted due to legal complications. Have A Nice Day.

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The two senshi looked around in confusion. Rei asked, "Usagi, weren't you about to go into a flashback?"

Just as she was about to respond, the door to the room burst open as several men and women in fedoras and dark suits rushed in, the one in front holding what looked like a badge. "I apologize" he said, "but you are currently violating the double flashback law. It is illegal to have a flashback during another flashback."

Usagi's eye's widened in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

"That's okay," he sighed "neither do some authors. Just don't let me catch you doing it again."

The blonde nodded emphatically as the group left. She looked over at Rei and apologized. "Sorry, I guess that will make it hard to explain things between Mamoru and I for this chapter." She looked thoughtful for a moment before looking at the other girl. "Rei, can I tell you something personal?"

Rei looked somewhat surprised. "O-of course, Usagi-chan."

Usagi took a deep breath, before starting. "Well, it's just that, the fight I'd had earlier with Mamoru? It made me start to think. Mamoru and I… we… haven't been all that close lately. I've even been wondering if I still l…" She stopped talking and began again on a different subject, hoping Rei didn't notice what she'd almost said. "I've thought a lot about Crystal Tokyo, and our futures, too. It just seems… wrong somehow, that our lives are preordained. Do you know what I mean?"

Rei nodded, thinking sadly, "I know _exactly_ what you mean. Usagi-chan" This last thought was full of longing and desire.

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As this was happening, the Gates of Time trembled once again as destabilizing forces tried to eat away at reality. The few subroutines left that worked within the ancient artifact began to reprioritize their functions, and connected to an even larger network for help.

Which meant of course that when the Yggdrasil, the computer that runs all of creation, picked up on the Gate's plight, as well as the effects this had on reality, it answered the call. Firewalls were set up and anti-virus software was installed almost immediately, while confused gods and goddesses stared at their computer screens, wondering what the system was doing that it had to log off all current users.

As it began to piece together the Gates' network, the Yggdrasil quickly realized that reality as that particular universe knew it no longer existed, since large portions of it's central infrastructure had gone missing. That dimension had tried to supplement these absent areas with portions of other dimensions. This wasn't any better however, because while normalcy had been sixty-two percent restored, this came at the cost of over a hundred other universes that would never be the same again.

The Yggdrasil began generating the other thirty-eight percent of reality necessary to restore balance to that world, and would later attempt to fix the other affected dimensions. It did even better than the absolute best that one could expect from a computer that ran existence, but it was quite a mess, and the damage had already been done.

What all this translates into is basically this: Fate and Destiny just got a few dozen monkey wrenches thrown into the works, and each one is as big as the state of Nevada.

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Unaware of the drastically changing landscape of reality (which is bad news for people who prefer things like "Effects" to be preceded by things like "Causes"), Usagi shook her head and continued.

"I just don't know what to do! I mean, I know that I have to become Queen of Crystal Tokyo, I have to marry Mamoru, and I have to bring everlasting peace to the world! If only for Chibi-Usa's sake!! But what if I want to do something different?!"

Rei, realizing that the blonde was becoming more than a bit hysterical, decided to act on impulse. Had she given any thought to what she planned to do next, she would have never gone through with it. The raven haired beauty put her hands on Usagi's cheeks, and quickly pressed her lips against the blonde's.

Usagi was shocked out of her spiraling anxiety attack

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On an interesting side note, in another universe, where Rei HAD thought through her impromptu "Calm Usagi Down" plan and decided against it, Usagi went through a complete nervous breakdown and eventually became the Evil Sexy Empress of Crystal Tokyo rather than its Queen. After smothering Mamoru with a pillow, she carried Rei off to become her Sexy Right Hand Minion With Benefits, while the rest of the Senshi decided it was easier to just go with the flow and become The Empresses' (Sexy) Enforcers. Seventy two genetic experiments later, the Chibi-Usa problem was solved. Strangely enough, not much really changed, except of course Mamoru's death. Why didn't I write that story, you ask? Too much peril. Trust me, it's far too perilous; and no, you can't have just a little peril.

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After the brief moment of shock passed, Usagi found herself closing her eyes. She pulled the Senshi of Fire closer to her and deepened the kiss.

Deep Mamoru's subconscious, something seemed to be screaming at him to wake up. He ignored it, in far too much pain to care.

Both women jumped and pulled away from each other at the sound of the door handle turning. The door opened and Minako jumped into the room. "And this is where I came in!"

The three of them stayed overnight, but got very little sleep. Usagi found it hard to sleep because of her worries over the state of her relationship with Mamoru, as well as her confusion over what had happened with Rei. Minako couldn't sleep because the hospital chairs were uncomfortable, and Rei couldn't sleep because both of the blondes were snoring.

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Back at the Mizuno apartment, the rhythmic sound of the rain was luring Ami and Makoto, who were both lounging on the couch, to sleep. Ami was leaning into Makoto, with her head rested against the brunette's shoulder. While the scene appeared peaceful on the outside, the conflicts within the minds of the two raged silently.

Indeed, it could have been likened to a great strategic battle that had reached an impasse. One would have to make the first move so that the other could begin.

Finally, one of them made a decision.

"I told you already, Ami; I don't mind taking the couch." Makoto tried to tell the short haired genius.

Ami replied with a chuckle, "And I've been insisting that you can take my bed, although at this point I think I prefer you stay here as my pillow." Both girls blushed at this, though it was too dark to see it.

Embarrassment, however, was soon replaced by drowsiness, and the two Senshi fell asleep.

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The next morning began and quickly left. All of the characters important to this story had fallen asleep late, and so it is understandable that they all slept well into the day. In fact, the first one to awake…

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With a yawn, Miyuki arched her back until she heard a satisfying pop. Looking at the two women on either side of her, she gave a small chuckle, though a small blush also graced her face. Looking over at Haruka's alarm clock, she realized that noon had come and gone. Thinking about the clock, she giggled, liking the irony that oversleeping was what had brought her here in the first place.

The blonde carefully slipped from between Haruka and Michiru, and noticed the mirror at Michiru's dresser. Miyuki was reminded that the Wonderland dream wasn't the only one she'd ever had. Her suspicions were confirmed when her reflection winked at her seductively.

After a few moments of thought, she looked for some paper and something to write with. Finding a pad of post-it notes and a pen on top of the dresser, she quickly wrote her name and phone number down. Below that she wrote "Call Me!" and drew a little doodle of herself grinning.

After making sure everything was in order, she set the note down where it could be easily seen and crawled into the mirror after her doppelganger.

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"Ah, Natsuki, look at this view!" The woman in question grumbled as her girlfriend latched onto her arm. The bluette then replied, "Shizuru, I still think coming to Tokyo Tower was a bad idea. All kinds of weird things happen in this city." She frowned, realizing that the brunette had been focusing on the view from observation deck's window rather than her. "I will not get jealous of the scenery," she mentally repeated to herself.

Shizuru revealed that she had been listening though. "I'm sure we can handle anything Tokyo can throw at us," At this she turned to her lover, a serene smile on her face, "We did survive Fuuka Academy after all."

At this, Natsuki had to nod and chuckle. With a contented smile, she wrapped her hands around the brunette's waist and looked up at the sky. Almost immediately, any feelings of peace she'd felt were gone, her face contorting into a look of fright.

"…Shizuru… What happened to the sky?"

"Hmm?" The brunette looked up as well, to see what once been a clear blue sky marred by black cracks that seemed to be rending the very heavens.

"You see! I told you Tokyo was where all the crazy shit happ-" Natsuki was cut off by a loud roaring noise.

Two seconds later, a blinding light obscured everything. In the universe.

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At the Gates of Time, a small window popped up, reading "Reformatting Your Software, Please Be Patient".

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Do you want to know what I love the most about this story? I mean really *LOVE*? I love reading through it and picking out the parts where a logical, well thought out, plot-filled story COULD have started, and waving goodbye to that story as it drifts away…

Tee Hee.


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